Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
My vagina just recognized that song.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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