It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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