Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
