the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize