Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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