Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
