there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize