So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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