He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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