What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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