what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
