whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
