Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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