I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
