Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
