There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
