Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Randomize
