You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
