i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
