Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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