things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
