i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
