I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
