Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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