I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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