You can't motorboat a personality
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
