my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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