the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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