i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
