Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
