This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
