My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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