I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
