Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
