i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
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