Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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