So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
it glows. i had to have it.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
