A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
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