You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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