Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
