he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
