I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
