how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
