Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
