apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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