I didn't shave. On purpose
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
