2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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