Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
