Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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