Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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