I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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