I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
