Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
