We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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