I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
