youre lurking in front of me
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Randomize
