Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
