She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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