Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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