I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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