he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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