Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
