I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize