is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
