Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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