I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
