White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
