I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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