she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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