I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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