So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
