So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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