Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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