her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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