I must be too annoying 4 u.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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