It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
