God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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