i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
