i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize